my never ending need to push the envelope is biting me in the ass once again. I don't know why I have to open my mouth and say things that I regret. I go about being aggressive the wrong way. I want everyone to be happy so much that what I want is often overlooked, then when I make myself heard I feel like I fuck myself.

I really really just want to be happy. I want the people I love to love me too, and I want to not think that I am wasting the fuck out of my life.

The instructor I have right now makes me doubt my choice of going to school. I don't have anyone left outside of school that believes in me and I really hope I can find the strength withing myself to get thru this. That's not true, I have one person, but I am really unsure where we stand at this moment.

I've never ever felt as lost and as heartbroken as I do right now. I just don't know what to do. *sigh*