More often than not I find myself turning to this little unknown corner of the world that no one else seems to venture to anymore to blow off some steam.
I have sat down at least 4 times to blog this week, and every time I get sidetracked or I just can't put my words in order. Since no one reads this with the exception of myself, I should probably not worry about that and just write out the things in my head that I must need to see in print.
I find myself, as usual, confused. There is a boy (there is always a boy, right?) who makes my heart just fill to bursting. We have our issues... and sometimes they feel like the biggest and most earth shattering issues in the universe. Sometimes, they are the most overwhelming thing overshadowing every other bit of everything in my life... and that is saying something. I was in the shower the other day and for some reason I thought of the moment I realized that I loved him. I remembered the feeling of "oh fuck, are you kidding me?" I recalled feeling shock and seeing everything click into place... I don't know how many years ago that was. The journey since then has been peppered with a combination of absolute wonderful things and periods of self doubt and tears. Thus far, the good still far outweighs the bad.
I was thinking about how even though he isn't perfect, I adore him. I feel content and happy when I am with him, I find myself reaching out to touch his skin, just to feel him. My favorite is rubbing my hand along his cheek... soft or scruffy. I miss him when I am not with him.
We have had a long and seriously bumpy road. Despite all the rough spots, I still get butterflies when I see him. I look at him and see all his faults, and yet I don't care. I want all of it.
*sigh*
There was a point to all this when I started; It seems I've lost it.
Sometimes, I think he is terrible for me. Then, we are together, and I feel complete. I feel like I want to do whatever there is in my power to make him feel proud of me. (I also feel a little invincible. LOL )
I dunno.. I guess I just wanted to see some of my feelings in black and white....
I have sat down at least 4 times to blog this week, and every time I get sidetracked or I just can't put my words in order. Since no one reads this with the exception of myself, I should probably not worry about that and just write out the things in my head that I must need to see in print.
I find myself, as usual, confused. There is a boy (there is always a boy, right?) who makes my heart just fill to bursting. We have our issues... and sometimes they feel like the biggest and most earth shattering issues in the universe. Sometimes, they are the most overwhelming thing overshadowing every other bit of everything in my life... and that is saying something. I was in the shower the other day and for some reason I thought of the moment I realized that I loved him. I remembered the feeling of "oh fuck, are you kidding me?" I recalled feeling shock and seeing everything click into place... I don't know how many years ago that was. The journey since then has been peppered with a combination of absolute wonderful things and periods of self doubt and tears. Thus far, the good still far outweighs the bad.
I was thinking about how even though he isn't perfect, I adore him. I feel content and happy when I am with him, I find myself reaching out to touch his skin, just to feel him. My favorite is rubbing my hand along his cheek... soft or scruffy. I miss him when I am not with him.
We have had a long and seriously bumpy road. Despite all the rough spots, I still get butterflies when I see him. I look at him and see all his faults, and yet I don't care. I want all of it.
*sigh*
There was a point to all this when I started; It seems I've lost it.
Sometimes, I think he is terrible for me. Then, we are together, and I feel complete. I feel like I want to do whatever there is in my power to make him feel proud of me. (I also feel a little invincible. LOL )
I dunno.. I guess I just wanted to see some of my feelings in black and white....
posted by Boo Boo Kitty at 10:37 PM
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